On the run from Andi Peters following a misunderstanding about cruises, Melissa begrudgingly agrees to follow her friend Joanne (and Joanne’s 17th century throwback ‘life partner’ Fax) to the Edinburgh Fringe. While leafleting for Fax’s dreadful stand up show about faith healing and vegans, Melissa endures the highs and lows of pretentious student plays, ‘street typing’, and the knowledge that her shop has been left in the hands of someone who doesn’t understand tills…
Crap Comedy is the follow up to the 2018 novel Crap Holiday. Read it here.
As I approach my flat, I find myself inexplicably trying to move ‘stealthily’, like I’m some sort of fucking spy. It’s not really working, given that I’m pulling a suitcase and the vodka bottle I liberated from the Feng Shui Co-op is clinking in my bag. Also, the Andi Peters QVC police probably won’t be waiting round corners just in case I come back off holiday. Probably.
Great. Here comes the world famous fat, hungover spy, getting up in people’s business because… the Queen… there’s probably a bomb somewhere. No there isn’t. OK, here comes the world’s shittest spy on account of how you’re not supposed to be famous if you’re a spy you fucking idiot.
No one’s around when I finally stop being enough of a twat to go inside the building where I live. Not even Tony from downstairs. Oh shit, what if Andi Peters has killed Tony from downstairs? Like, as a down payment? I don’t know, isn’t that how mafias work?
Come on, get a grip. Andi Peters would not go round killing Tony from downstairs.
Right, I have to stop being such a coward and go inside and face whatever they’ve decided to punish me with. And I need to do it before Tony comes upstairs and asks if I’ve ‘been looking under men’s kilts’, which is something Tony from downstairs would say, even if he was dead.
Continue reading “Crap Comedy Chapter 52: All The Pies”