Today’s post is very exciting – I am doing cooking!

Sort of.

This isn’t going to be a proper recipe post, because I’m not going to write down my life story and every thought I’ve ever had before we get to the food part. Sorry about that.

Right, this is what we are making:

You understand why I’m sceptical of the claim that this falls into the category of ‘cooking’. However, it is around the right skill level for me, so I am optimistic. Continue reading “The Monster in the Milk: Cooking with Rainbow” →

Do you remember Barbies and Lego and shit? Me too, because every fucker talks about them, including me. Today I want to not talk about them, and instead talk about stuff no one ever seems to mention.

I’ve just remembered that there technically is a Barbie on this list. I’m such a twat.

Oh Penny!

Penny was a rival to Polly Pocket for a while in the late 80s/early 90s. While in my opinion a lot better than Polly, who was shit and up herself, Penny eventually lost the battle of the microscopic choking hazard dolls on account of not having playsets you could open and close and take with you in the car. Continue reading “10 toys no one ever remembers” →

Old supermarkets are a thing of wonder to me. Unfortunately, most of my shopping experiences back in the day were boring, so I’ve enlisted some of my readers to share their supermarket memories with you. I must admit, I’m a bit disappointed that there was nothing about the Kwik Save flaps, or those mini trolleys they used to have for kids. I suppose if I was that bothered I’d have written that stuff myself. But I’m not.

Patrick Heaviside on Fine Fare:

Shopping in the 80s meant only one place to my nascent self: Fine Fare. It’s fine by me, trilled the jingle and so we were conditioned to believe that it was indeed fine. Try responding with ‘fine’ these days and you’ll rightly be called passive aggressive.

Ascending the ramp to park in the upper floor, or on the roof if it was a fine day (fine!) and then descending by travelator. Not an escalator – those have stairs and trap unwary children’s wellingtons. This was a diagonal conveyor belt, the only one I’ve ever seen like it. Continue reading “Headaches, He-Man and shoplifting: Your supermarket memories” →

Look what we bought when we nipped out for milk:

It’s made, unsurprisingly, by the same people who brought you 100,000 shit Clipart.

Anyway, since I am rubbish at the internet, I thought it might be good to have a learn of how to web and such. I want to go on the Information Superhighway please. Maybe I can even design my own web page on Geocities, or I could email… Daphne & Celeste? Crazy Frog?

Let’s see then…

This is ace, because it’s going to show me how to use the inbox and outbox, and also how to ‘log on’ to the internet. Continue reading “Internet 2000: A CD-Rom Extravaganza” →

I’ve really been trying to think of any situations in which the following clipart would be used. So far I have a grand total of no ideas. The only thing I can think to do is to separate them into three categories: ‘terrifying’, ‘mutants’, and ‘what’.

Here’s a fun game to play with these:

1. Look at the pictures while drinking gin.

2. Last one to have a nervous breakdown wins the rest of the gin.

This game can be played by anyone who has some gin.

Are you sitting comfortably? Then we’ll crack on.

Mutants

In this section: People with arses for faces, bollocks for legs, and general tentacles.

Terrifying

In this section: Slight overlap with ‘mutants’, but these mutants are worse and deserve to be shunned.

What

In this section: What.

Fin.