The wonderful world of regional adverts

The wonderful world of regional adverts

When regional adverts were on TV, I was too young to appreciate them. All they meant to small me was that my parents might drag me round yet another carpet shop or caravan showroom, promising to stop at McDonald’s if I was “good”. (I never was. I’d “shown them up” by touching the carpets or whatever.)

The point is that regional adverts are a wonderland of tat and mullets that I can appreciate now that I’m old and sagging. Get your eyes ready for a tour of Britain, stopping at Yorkshire, HTV, Central, and some other places, I don’t know.

Readyspex 

From shops everywhere. If you’re in Blackburn.

This is fine I guess, until the end. WHY IS THERE A DOG.

Mike’s Carpets 

Do not say one bad word about Mike or I will cut you. (And to my Twitter followers: you’re wrong. He would beat the hell out of Don Amott in a fight.)

Mike was world famous in the Leeds area for his quality carpets at low low prices, and his mullet, which apparently he still has to this day. I do hope that’s true. Continue reading “The wonderful world of regional adverts”

Crap Cups part 2: The Pope and Jason Donovan

Crap Cups part 2: The Pope and Jason Donovan

Welcome back to my showcase of cups that prove people shouldn’t be allowed money or cups. Let me tell you – if my readers ever invite someone back for coffee, their guest is going to have the choice of a porcelain cock, or proof that their date was once runner up in a skittles tournament.

Let’s crack on!

“Dirty Harry, but in a nice pastel stripe way” (from John Johnston)

John Johnston Dirty Harry, but in a nice pastel stripe way

A thought provoking mug that asks the question “Are you fucking looking at me?” (from Neil Ramskill)

neil ramskill Continue reading “Crap Cups part 2: The Pope and Jason Donovan”

A celebration of crap cups

A celebration of crap cups

All my cups are fucking boring. Most are beige, and they have “tea” or some other nonsense written on them.

Since I’m too lazy to go out and buy some more interesting cups, I figured I’d ask you guys if you had any wonderful objets d’art lying around. You did. My complete fucking surprise.

You guys have so many beautiful cups, in fact, that I’m going to have to split this post up (so if your cup isn’t here, it will be).

So, do you want to spend your Friday night looking at shit novelty cups? Of course you do, otherwise you wouldn’t be reading this.

1. Terry Wogan is your friend (from Catt Weazle)

daily mail catt weazle
Continue reading “A celebration of crap cups”

Bungle’s mental breakdowns

Bungle’s mental breakdowns

You know what would cheer us all up today? Watching Bungle losing his shit and having a nervous breakdown. Luckily, I’ve got a banging selection of clips for your perusal featuring Ursa Idiotus throwing his weight about, crying, and generally being a tit.

Observe…

Wanting to be Jill

“I demand to be Jill, and you better believe I’m going to molest my own nipples if this doesn’t happen! And if it does.”

To be fair, it is quite hard to be menacing when you’re wearing such a lovely hat. Luckily, the answer to this problem is to give Bungle an even lovelier hat. Continue reading “Bungle’s mental breakdowns”

The art of being rad

The art of being rad

It might surprise you to know that I wasn’t a rad kid. I am, however, a rad adult. A radult, if you will. Therefore, I am now the internet’s leading authority on being rad.

Let me take you through an awesome and rad day in the life of a rad kid, from skateboarding out of bed to skateboarding back into bed. But be warned – IT’S RAD TO THE MAX!

World of Crap is not responsible for any deaths that occur from over-radness.

7.00: Wake up from your awesome and rad dream, about beating Mario to death with Sonic’s trainers while that one from Saved By The Bell looks on. Think briefly about parachute pants.

7.15: Stick baseball cap to head with green hair gel. Gaze at Paula Abdul poster. Paula approves of your baseball cap.

7.30: Decide on outfit for the day.

shellsuits Continue reading “The art of being rad”

Wrestling figures give lifestyle advice

Wrestling figures give lifestyle advice

I’ve adopted some more action figures. I don’t really know who any of them are, but they’re all wrestlers and they all have interesting facial expressions and pants.

And what better use for wrestling figures than to have them share their household and fashion tips with you? I can’t think of anything, so that’s what I’ve decided to do. Let’s crack on!

Arsey Malcolm

arsey malcolm

Arsey Malcolm got his name by being a bit arsey with people, and also because his arse is at the front. His signature move is telling people to hurry the fuck up at cashpoints.

Arsey Malcolm says: “Don’t over-fill bin bags. About 3/4 full is good.” Continue reading “Wrestling figures give lifestyle advice”

Drawing rubbish pictures of your childhood fears

Drawing rubbish pictures of your childhood fears

Hello. A while ago, I asked you guys on Twitter to tell me the stupid shit you were scared of as kids. The idea was to take a selection of your replies and draw them, thus bringing them to life in a horrifying vista of terror and bum shits.

However, I cannot draw. Therefore, these pictures have ended up being less than terrifying. So I’m just going to claim that this was my intention all along.

Join me in a lovely group therapy session, then, as I attempt to show you that your childhood fears were actually shit and crap.

NB: All your replies were great, but I was a bit limited by my artistic skills. Also, I had no idea how to do “the house with all the cats” or “Stan Laurel being turned into sausages”. Sorry about that.

Anyway – let’s begin!

“The sound of a flushing toilet”

“This is a weird one, but hear me out: Michael Buerk”

“The clock on the mantelpiece in my grandmother’s living room” Continue reading “Drawing rubbish pictures of your childhood fears”