Internet 2000: A CD-Rom Extravaganza

Internet 2000: A CD-Rom Extravaganza

Look what we bought when we nipped out for milk:

web 1

It’s made, unsurprisingly, by the same people who brought you 100,000 shit Clipart.

Anyway, since I am rubbish at the internet, I thought it might be good to have a learn of how to web and such. I want to go on the Information Superhighway please. Maybe I can even design my own web page on Geocities, or I could email… Daphne & Celeste? Crazy Frog?

Let’s see then…

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This is ace, because it’s going to show me how to use the inbox and outbox, and also how to ‘log on’ to the internet. Continue reading “Internet 2000: A CD-Rom Extravaganza”

Shit clipart: answers on a postcard edition

Shit clipart: answers on a postcard edition

I’ve really been trying to think of any situations in which the following clipart would be used. So far I have a grand total of no ideas. The only thing I can think to do is to separate them into three categories: ‘terrifying’, ‘mutants’, and ‘what’.

Here’s a fun game to play with these:

1. Look at the pictures while drinking gin.

2. Last one to have a nervous breakdown wins the rest of the gin.

This game can be played by anyone who has some gin.

Are you sitting comfortably? Then we’ll crack on.

Mutants

In this section: People with arses for faces, bollocks for legs, and general tentacles.

Terrifying

In this section: Slight overlap with ‘mutants’, but these mutants are worse and deserve to be shunned.

What

In this section: What.

Fin.

Rainbow episode review: Misc

Rainbow episode review: Misc

Right, this episode has no plot, and no real theme apart from ‘no one likes Bungle and he smells and is annoying’. Let’s crack on anyway.

Great excitement this morning – the postman’s been, and he’s brought some party invitations! The only problem is that Bungle hasn’t been invited.

1

I fail to see why that’s a problem.

“How am I going to tell Bungle he hasn’t been invited?”

Well Geoffrey, may I offer the following suggestions?

– Take out a full page advert in the Times

– Yell it into his face through a megaphone

– Get it printed onto a t-shirt. Wear the t-shirt to the party.

Until Geoffrey’s decided, we’re not to tell Bungle that no one likes him and he smells. Continue reading “Rainbow episode review: Misc”

Shit clipart: How to swim edition

Shit clipart: How to swim edition

Just something little today, from the gallery of 1,000,000,000,000,000 clipart I bought for a quid.

There’s a whole section of what I assume are swimming instructions. I think the idea is to add your own text, so that’s what I’ve done, to the best of my ability.

The instructions were probably meant to be in Comic Sans, but I couldn’t bring myself to do that.

Right then.

1. Do not dive into a tiny puddle.

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2. Especially do not dive head first into 1ft of water.

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3. Make sure your balls touch the water before any other part of you.

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4. If the water is intimidating you, challenge it to a dance-off.

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5. If you do a fart in the pool, waft it away towards someone else.

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6. If the water is mean to you, ignore it and it will go away.

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7. This is not swimming. Not sure what this is.

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8. Always exit the water by diving out of it.

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Fin.

The Shit Clipart Showcase Part 1

The Shit Clipart Showcase Part 1

Today we picked up this CD-Rom for one quid:

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We paid one whole quid for this thing.

“Get it” said Alex.

“No fuck off it’s shit,” I replied.

“No it’ll be great,” he said.

And the following is why I always listen to Alex.

I’m just going to present these without context, because… because.

1. Interesting faces

2. Hats

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3. Unsettled babies

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4. Interesting faces part 2

5. This guy

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6. Rad things

7. Interesting faces part 3

8. Weird maths that makes no sense

maths

9. THIS FUCKING HORSE

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Fin.

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