I’m back on with cereal again, picking up from our whistlestop tour of milk mulched memories.
Another round up for you now, this time from later childhood…
Frosties are to Corn Flakes as Ricicles (Gawd rest em!) were to Rice Krispies. The sugared up, extra crunchy, enamel eroding, waist ballooning version.
Look at Tony, just look at him. That’s the sexual imprint primogenitor of Deviant Art right there. Between him and Thundercats this is why thirty years later we’re all strangle wanking dressed as cats with six breasts. You see Kellogg’s never planned for that when they put sugar on Cornflakes (blessed be their eternal golden form). Continue reading “World of Crap reviews cereal part 2”
I’m now World of Crap’s food correspondent, this wasn’t deliberate or planned but this will be my fourth post about some manner of grub and everyone knows if you do something three times it’s official and set in stone.
I’m going to be covering the cereals of my own personal youth, much in the style of every other post I’ve done, this is very much my own personal experience. Doubtless though, many will be the commenters who “can’t believe you missed out Sugar Frosted Chocolate Fucknuggets! Because they were the best and you’re a terrible human being for not having retrospectively eaten this during your childhood. The past is likewise unfortunately set in stone.
I will do further cereals in subsequent articles, and if I haven’t already tried a given cereal I will buy, eat and write about it just for you. I will likewise gain a stone.
Breakfast is the most important meal of the day; we’re told this along with other advice like “don’t swim after eating” and “take your finger out of there and wash your hands this instant!”. ‘Break’ ‘fast’ you see? You’re no longer fasting so you’re breaking it. Because you’ve been asleep all night and not eating. That counts as a fast, well done!
(Editor’s note – only psychopaths put strawberries on their Corn Flakes.) Continue reading “World of Crap reviews cereal”
First a disclaimer: this wasn’t actually the tin of biscuits I wanted to talk about. I assumed it was, but then I realised there was a complete lack of pink wafers. I assumed this must be one of these modern switch outs. Then I did a little digging and apparently the biscuit selection I so fondly remembered was in fact this:
I had no idea they were called Rover. It was simply “The Tin of Biscuits”; not The Biscuit Tin, that was just another name for The Biscuit Barrel. I tried to get a box of these to review, but they no longer appear to do them. Much like the cars of the same name.
Their tins will of course live on, in the houses of the elderly, filled with buttons, yellowing photographs, insurance documents and hoarded incandescent lightbulbs “because these energy savers are SO dark!”.
So Family Circle it shall be. It must also be stated that they’re not even a tin any more. I’m pretty certain they went through an interim period of using plastic and now we’re on a very thin and basic cardstock. In terms of sustainability I can’t fault this trend in the slightest; from a point of trying to have a nostalgic experience however, this is utterly lacklustre. Continue reading “World Of Crap reviews Family Circle biscuits”
So, my inaugural piece proved popular – even within minutes of going up people were clamouring for more. “You’ve missed loads of chips you wankshaft do it properly!” they cried. But between this and x number of likes, reacts, retweets and views, I take this all as acceptance, love and a clear invitation to eat a fuck load of chips specifically for this article.
Chinese takeaway chips
Chips from the Chinese take away, an odd request and an experience that it must be said I did have. Once and once only. There was a time, concurrent to being able to read the menu for myself, that I started to long for items other than our standard go-tos of chicken chow mein or sweet and sour chicken. Much more fascinating offerings caught my eye, exotic wonders such as chicken and sweetcorn soup, pickled eggs and chips with gravy. Continue reading “World of Crap ranks chips Part 2”
It’s just potato sliced into sticks, nothing special surely? An everyday food to be taken for granted, and given less regard than the condiments you drown them in.
Surely little more than a baton of starch to transport ketchup from bottle to waiting maw, a thin golden line between civility and just necking the bloody thing and calling it lunch.
Well I’d like to take some time to look back on the chips of yesteryear, the varying quality available to a child of the 80s was immense and certainly not all were created equally.
Let’s get the utter trash out of the way first. These were dry, cloying cardboard aspiring affairs, sold in a four stone bag and taking up half the freezer by itself. The all-purpose gut filler for the culinarily uninspired, regardless of what Bernard Matthews’ Amusing-Shape-In-Breadcrumbs was being served alongside it. These mass produced julienne would fill the majority of your plate. Fill it with sadness and remorse, remorse that your parents couldn’t cook. Continue reading “World of Crap ranks childhood chips”