We need to talk about George

We need to talk about George

Lads, I’ve found the worst thing in the world. If they were trying to create an apocalyptic 2020 version of Rainbow, they’ve succeeded.

Turns out some company has acquired the rights to Rainbow despite having never seen Rainbow, seen an actual Rainbow, or heard the word ‘rainbow’ before. This company is using those rights to produce books like ‘Uncle George will break your knees tonight if you don’t pay up’. I only discovered this while innocently browsing the Rainbow Wikipedia page, as you do when you’re 37 and depressed.

Let’s just take a minute to go over this glorious cover, point by point.

The book itself is supposed to be an interactive puppet book: Mum and/or Dad put their hand in George, creating a whimsical live action story adventure for their child.

Reality: Child is so traumatised by ‘threatening bailiff George’ that they will never sleep again. And they’ll certainly never get into debt.

Here is the Amazon synopsis:

“Feelings of nostalgia for parents.” I get that. I too would like to go back to a time before this fucker was made. Ideally when Terry’s Neapolitans were still a thing.

Meanwhile, the plot centres around George playing hide and seek with people. I fucking wonder why.

You know this is bad because it manages to be worse than anything Bungle has ever done.

I am not an artist, but even I have a sense of – to use the technical expression – things looking fucking wrong. Those cold, staring eyes. Those wrong nostrils. Those synthetic plastic lips. The way they combine to make George say “U WOT M8”. The menacing way he’s brandishing his rattle at you. And what is his other arm doing.

I’ve watched a lot of Rainbow, but I don’t remember ever seeing George off his chuff on Stella, threatening to glass the viewers. Let’s be honest – the only thing George wants to play in this universe is fucking Russian Roulette.

If you think I’m overreacting because you’re 12 and you’ve never watched Rainbow, imagine this reboot in 30 years:

There isn’t really a point to this post, except that I needed to express my anger/fear at this unholy abomination. If you’re curious, it’s on Amazon. Godspeed.

An update on my Patreon

An update on my Patreon

Hi gang, just wanted to give you all an update on changes I’m going to be making to my Patreon (this won’t affect any existing patrons except for the top tier, who I’ve spoken to already).

Anyway, long story short is I’ve had to suspend my top Patreon tier for the time being, due to shops being shut. Given this, I figured I’d shake up my tiers a bit. I am nothing if not exciting.

I’m going to add a new $1 tier (probably called Rod, as Rod is a gigachad) that you can back if you just want to support my stuff. The $5 tier (Bungle) will still get access to the archive, videos, and in the very near future, some exclusive articles. The new highest tier (George, $15) will carry on getting everything, including exclusive Rainbow comics.

Thank you so much to everyone currently backing me, it means so much; it means I can (with enough budgeting) work full time on my books. I’m spending every waking hour on my next book (and the World of Crap Annual), and after that I’ll be free to shit out content at a much faster rate. Bear with me, and thank you again guys xxx

If you’d like to support my stuff, your support is really welcome xx