Rainbow episode review: Oh just fuck off

I’m in a bad mood for two reasons:

1. My laptop is powered by steam and extinct eggs.

2. I was sewing shit onto my boyfriend’s work uniform FOR AN HOUR. It was only three things, but I suck at sewing. I think I bled to death.

Given that, I’ve chosen a nice cheery episode today. I’m watching this blind so I don’t know what happens, but it’s called ‘Worried And Weary’, so I assume it’s going to fit my mood.


George is being a bellend, as usual.


How dare he go round collecting money for the hospital. And, more specifically, how dare he say to the hospital “Yes I will collect money for you. No don’t worry I’ll get loads of money, I know more than six people, including two who have 20p in the world, no don’t worry.” George lied.

Also, which hospital is this supposed to be? My guess is ‘Rainbow hospital’. Is there an episode where one of them goes to hospital? I’ve never seen it, but I bet it would be a nice mix of heartwarming and shoddy. Continue reading “Rainbow episode review: Oh just fuck off”

Rainbow episode review: Rebel without a clothes

This episode is called ‘The Show Offs’, and is about the following things:

1: Bungle’s inability to not be naked, AGAIN.

2: Some other stuff.

Geoffrey is decorating the garden with tinsel and flags. This is because they’re planning to have one of those weird concerts where only they turn up.


At this concert, everyone’s going to be doing their talent. Let me tell you – I’ve just discovered that I can do a banging impression of Sunderland manager Simon Grayson, which is more impressive when you consider that I’ve never heard him speak. That’s better than any of the shit this lot can come up with.

“I’ll be the best. Everyone knows I’m the best singer,” says Zippy.

“Yes yes we all know you can sing,” says Geoffrey. “Meanwhile, my talent is not having killed any of you three yet.” Continue reading “Rainbow episode review: Rebel without a clothes”

Rainbow episode review: Tool Time

This episode is about tools, and using tools, and working hard with tools, and Bungle, who is a tool.

Let’s begin. Geoffrey is washing everyone’s bras:


“Oh dear, we do have a lot of washing considering three of us are nudists!”

Geoffrey goes to the kitchen to toil. Zippy shouts after him:

where socks

“Geoffrey, I can’t find my blue socks!”

“Zippy, how many times? You don’t own any socks, you don’t own any feet.” Continue reading “Rainbow episode review: Tool Time”

Rainbow episode review: Lemon and McCartney

Have you ever tried to do anything, ever? I have, which is why I sympathise with poor crap Zippy in this episode.

Let’s begin.

There’s a strange noise in the Rainbow house. Bungle, George and Geoffrey all wonder what it could be. It doesn’t occur to any of them that it could be Zippy. Even though it sounds like Zippy and is Zippy. Instead, Geoffrey thinks the noise might be coming from the sky they can somehow see from the middle of their living room:


It’s nice to see that Geoffrey’s wearing the opening credits from Saved By The Bell again. Continue reading “Rainbow episode review: Lemon and McCartney”

Rainbow episode review: An idiot abroad

Warning: this episode contains Dawn and her Bossa Nova button.

This episode is called Going Places, and it’s about having to go to Australia to get away from Bungle’s stupid face for a bit.

We begin with Bungle, George and Zippy wibbling around, having panic attacks and general menopause:


“Where is he? It’s ever so late! He said he’d be home by teatime, and that was ages ago!”

It’s fucking twenty past fucking five. Continue reading “Rainbow episode review: An idiot abroad”

Rainbow episode review: I’ll cut you

Are you cross? I am. I’m cross because I’ve just seen that Oral B advert, featuring a woman who has more teeth than IQ points.

Anyway, this episode is called ‘Cross’, and is about other people pissing you off by doing things like existing. Maybe they all snap and kill each other, and all the later episodes have just been my imagination. I guess we’ll soon find out.

George is singing some song. I don’t know what song it is because I got distracted. Let’s assume, for argument’s sake, that he’s singing the theme tune to Minder.

1 Continue reading “Rainbow episode review: I’ll cut you”