Rainbow episode review: Ground Farce

This episode is all about why you shouldn’t let Bungle, Zippy and George on your property, because they’ll just leave shit all over it with hilarious consequences.

Bungle is filling up the paddling pool, despite the hose not actually pointing anywhere near the pool, but never mind:

paddling pool

I have several questions about this:

1: Bungle is bigger than the entire pool. If he attempts to get in the pool, it will immediately be swallowed up his arse crack.

That’s it really.

Let’s put that aside for now, because it’s not really the point of the episode. I wonder if they ever did an episode called ‘Don’t put things near Bungle because they’ll probably go up his bum’?

Continue reading “Rainbow episode review: Ground Farce”

Rainbow episode review: Dances With Bungles

Hello. This episode is all about whose turn it is to have a go on Dawn.

I will say, in my defence, that Alex suggested this review be called ‘Breaking Dawn’. I said no, as that was a bad thing to suggest. Shame on you Alex.

To be fair, the reason he suggested that is because he saw this screenshot:

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It probably won’t surprise you to learn that they don’t really want to do three way bumming with her, since this is an episode of Rainbow. What they do want to do is dance with her. Well, Geoffrey does. Bungle wants to do anything he can get away with, but only if Dawn will agree to wear a Jane mask, and will pretend to be Jane, while also calling Bungle Jane, because that’s how my headcanon works. Did I mention I’m having some weird side effects off these new pills?

Geoffrey and Bungle both try to have the first go on Dawn. Dawn thinks for a minute:

“Now then, who do I want to dance with? The man wearing clothes or the man in the bear suit who keeps calling me Jane and himself Jane while rubbing his area?” Continue reading “Rainbow episode review: Dances With Bungles”

Rainbow episode review: Try not to get bummed by a chair

Apologies for not doing many posts recently, I’ve been on some super fun new anxiety meds, one of the effects of which is “malaise”. Malaise, in this case, translates roughly as “lying on the settee watching loads of Jim Sterling on Youtube and being too tired to fart”. Anyway, here I am.

Today’s episode is called ‘Watch Out’, and it’s about watching out. Presumably, like ‘watch out for that falling piano’ and ‘watch out for that sex pest over there’.

Bungle is doing a painting. Unfortunately for Bungle, he’s forgotten to watch out, and now his afternoon is littered with life-threatening things. Can any eagle eyed readers spot the hazards?

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Firstly, There is a pot of water just feet away from the edge of the table. If knocked over, this water will go on fire.

water

Secondly, There are some toy cars on the floor. You might not have spotted this one, because it wasn’t in the first screenshot. Oh well.

cars

Lastly – and most importantly – Bungle’s painting is fucking rubbish. He should watch out for art critics, who might come along and tell him this. Continue reading “Rainbow episode review: Try not to get bummed by a chair”

Rainbow episode review: Hard Times

Today we’re looking at an episode featuring everyone’s favourite auntie – Auntie! I’m not sure whose auntie she is, but she must be somebody’s, because she does auntie things like saying “Hello, I’m Auntie.” Now I’m going to stop writing that word for a bit because I’ve written it too much and it’s started to look all funny and wrong.

Anyway, I’m getting ahead of myself. This episode is also about losing your job at the shoe shop, which is something all 3 year olds have experienced at some point.

Can you guess who’s lost their job at the shoe shop? Well, it’s not Geoffrey because he doesn’t appear to have a job, apart from occasionally looking at some papers on a clipboard and going “oh dear”. It’s probably not Zippy or George, because they don’t have feet, and would be mediocre at best when it comes to singing the praises of slingbacks. And it’s not Bungle, because we’ve met Bungle, come on.

If you’re still reading this and you’re an idiot, I’ll reveal the answer shortly. But first, Bungle, Zippy and George are playing ‘dog doctor’.

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They’re not playing ‘vet’, because they don’t know the word ‘vet’, because they’re 3. This adds weight to my theory that they don’t work at Freeman Hardy Willis. Continue reading “Rainbow episode review: Hard Times”

Rainbow episode review: Who wears short shorts?

Well, who does wear short shorts? And when I say short, I mean ‘CAUTION – FLYING BALLS IN THIS AREA’.

The answer is, of course, the mighty Rod. Shame on you if you said Bungle. We all know Bungle’s balls are allowed to flap around in the breeze, just like nature intended.

But why is Rod wearing the hottest of hotpants? Because the gang have decided to host the Olympics in their back garden, that’s why.

Let’s begin. Geoffrey is busy making sashes that will separate the pro athletes from Bungle and Jane’s team.

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“Hang on,” thinks Geoffrey. “How can Zippy and George do the egg and spoon race when they have a grand total of no legs between them? Oh sod it, let them worry about that. We all have disabilities. Jane’s a woman.” Continue reading “Rainbow episode review: Who wears short shorts?”

Rainbow episode review: Bargain Hunt

Hello how are you? I am fine.

Do you remember when shopping wasn’t hideous, and sometimes you’d go to the shops for a nice day out? I used to do that before all the shops became one big Tesco that smells of piss and poor people.

The gang are going to have a nice day out at the shops in today’s episode, which is called ‘Shops’. You know what, I bet you could have figured out the title for yourself; it’s not like the episode was going to be called ‘The English Patient’.

Let’s begin. Everyone is bored:

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George: “I’m bored.”

Zippy: “I’m bored.”

Bungle: “Geoffrey bet me a fiver I couldn’t pull my own nose off. I’ll show him.”

Geoffrey orders them to stop being bored, because “there are hundreds of things to do”. This is a lie Geoffrey. Most officially sanctioned ‘things to do’ are variants of waving limbs around. You know this. I’d say there are about seven things to do, in the whole world. And one of those is seeing if it’s possible to kick yourself in the fanny.

“How about a game of I Spy?”

“Jesus Geoffrey why not just put us in a coma now and have done with it?” Continue reading “Rainbow episode review: Bargain Hunt”

Rainbow episode review: Coming soon on The Discovery Channel

Have you ever done that thing where someone says ‘Whatever you do, do not hit yourself in the face with this hot frying pan’, and you’ve immediately thought ‘Why? What will happen if I do? Well now I need to hit myself in the face with this hot frying pan just to find out.’ This episode is about that.

Geoffrey, instead of having a job, has spent the morning lining up some dominoes:

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“You see these? These are fucking banging these are.”

He’s clearly put hours of work into this. I hope nothing happens to his dominoes. I hope, for example, that a naked bear isn’t suddenly curious about the dominoes.

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“I have to go out of the room Bungle. Don’t touch those dominoes.”

“Why not?”

“Just don’t touch them.”

Should Geoffrey have said:

A) “Touch these dominoes and I’ll fucking kill you.”

B) “If you so much as look at these dominoes, they will fall over, and then I’ll fucking kill you.”

C) “Don’t touch these dominoes, FOR A MYSTERIOUS REASON.”

D: “Put some fucking clothes on Bungle.” Continue reading “Rainbow episode review: Coming soon on The Discovery Channel”