I’m watching this episode blind, so it might be about a lost pencil, or it might be about the Suez Canal, who knows. Let’s find out!
Right, it’s 4 o’clock in the morning, which is when everyone in the Rainbow house gets up. You can tell it’s 4 o’clock because we just heard a cock. Ignore the stupid shit clock on the wall, it doesn’t tell the time because it’s just drawn on.
I hope this isn’t a George-centric episode. Those are always the hardest to write about, since George is nowhere near as entertaining and pubic as Bungle. Continue reading “Rainbow Episode Review: CountryFail”
In this episode, Bungle finally has his long overdue mental breakdown. Forced to confront the reality that the others really don’t fucking like him and wish he’d sod off, Bungle snaps and invents his own friend, with blackjack and hookers.
Let’s begin. The gang are all having what fun and japes as usual.
Nobody comes right out and says “Bungle we hate you and you smell”, but there’s an atmosphere. Maybe Bungle stuck his dick in the jam, I don’t know. Continue reading “Rainbow Episode Review: Drop Dead Bungle”
It occurred to me that I’ve never reviewed this episode, despite it being one of my favourites. This is because I am a div.
The episode is called ‘Bungle’s High And Mighty Day’, and the plot is as follows: Bungle is a twat for the entire day. Even more of a twat than usual. With that backstory established, let’s begin.
“HELLO GET UP” booms Geoffrey.
Not sure what Bungle’s doing at this point.
Continue reading “Rainbow Episode Review: Pride And Prejudice”
Stories! Quizzes! Horoscopes! Swearing Bungle! Misc!
Does this sound like something you’d want to throw your money away on, like an idiot? Hopefully it does, otherwise I’m a bit screwed.
After a year of various people nagging me, I’ve launched a Kickstarter to make a world of Crap annual.
Yes! No! I mean… hopefully!
That’s right! For up to some money, you too can get an annual full of quality content, such as: Continue reading “Kickstarter: The World Of Crap Annual”
I’ve been a fan of Rainbow ever since I can remember, so when a creepy old man at a yard sale offered me a VHS, I jumped at the chance.
“How much?” I said.
“50 quid” he said.
“Fuck off” I said.
“Fine, have it for free,” said the man. “But I warn you, someone died from watching this. I think it might be a haunted tape.”
I looked at the box, and saw that someone had scribbled out the word ‘Rainbow’ and written ‘Rainbow.exe’ in its place. Which was a bit redundant, since the word ‘Rainbow’ was already there.
I couldn’t wait to get back to my house, which was on an old Indian burial ground, and fire up my
Sega Mega Drive VHS player.
I put the tape in and pressed play, then started to watch the video with my eyes. Suddenly, a ghost appeared!
“Fuck off I’m watching Rainbow,” I said. The ghost went away.
The first episode was meant to be called ‘Wibbly Wobbly’, but instead it was called ‘MURDER BLOOD’, and the opening credits had all blood on them!
“I don’t remember there being all blood?” I thought. But I pushed the thought from my mind and settled down to watch Bungle being a dickhead as usual. Continue reading “Rainbow episode review: Bungle.exe”
It may come as a surprise to anyone who doesn’t spend all their time thinking about Rainbow, but there were different Bungles throughout the show’s run. Each Bungle brought something different to the party and had their own unique characteristics, a bit like a Spice Girls made entirely of stupid bears.
Here, then, are the Bungles ranked from worst to best, taking into account such qualities as hairiness, idiocy, and fondness for dressing up as Jane. Stay tuned for an exciting tie for first place, and also the bit where I talk about nipples. Continue reading “Rainbow: Ranking the Bungles”
In this episode, Zippy comes up with a genius plan to swindle everyone out of money. Or food. Or to sell them a time share. I’m not sure. Something dastardly anyway.
George has decided to start collecting leaves, like the hoarding mental patient he is.
He has three so far. That is not a collection George, that is you deciding to start carrying three leaves around with you for no real reason. And where are you getting leaves from? All your trees are cardboard and the apples on them have to be attached with nails.
Zippy turns up and pretends to be interested in George’s mental breakdown. Look at his interested face.
Remember earlier when I said that Zippy has a genius plan to con everyone? You might want to keep that in the back of your mind. Continue reading “Rainbow episode review: The Real Hustle”