Hello. I haven’t slept properly for three days, and now I’ve decided it’s a good idea to review this episode:
Nothing can go wrong.
Let’s begin. For reasons known only to them, the gang have bought a load of novelty mirrors. This is why whey never have any food or clothes. Continue reading “Rainbow episode review: What is any of this?”
Hello. This episode is all about pretending to get evicted, I think. And about what to do if your furniture is haunted.
Rod, Jane and Freddy are trying to sing their song, but Bungle is insisting on being in the same room as them and getting up in their business.
Why they have to do their song right now, in that exact spot, is never mentioned.
Then this happens, and I’m not sure what it is:
Continue reading “Rainbow episode review: Can’t pay? We’ll take it away!”
LADS, I’VE DISCOVERED WHY BUNGLE NEVER WEARS PANTS!
All this time I thought he was just a terrifying nudist, but it turns out there’s much, much more to it than that, as we will see in this episode, which is probably called BUNGLE: ORIGINS – THE NUDENING.
It’s probably not called that. But it should be.
This episode is really called ‘Vanishing Box’ which is what I assume Jane has whenever Bungle’s around.
Let’s begin. Geoffrey is teaching the others grifting:
Why are Zippy and George so massive? I’ve seen them in real life and they are not that massive. Perhaps Geoffrey is just really far away. Continue reading “Rainbow episode review: Harry Potter and the Naked Bear”
This episode is about trying to be funny and completely dying on your arse, which is obviously something I identify with. Anyway, let’s crack on before I get bored and start needing a piss.
Zippy is watching Ernie Wise on TV. Ernie tells a joke about some eggs, but I’m not going to write it down because I’d get it wrong. I’m very bad at jokes. Last night Alex spent an hour trying to teach me about Knock Knock jokes, but I always forget to say ‘Who’s there?’.
And one time I couldn’t figure out how to open a bin in a cafe. But apart from that, I am a total genius.
Anyway, Ernie Wise tells some lame jokes, and Zippy laughs himself to fucking death. I suppose they were limited to what jokes they could air on Rainbow; you’re probably not going to get Zippy telling the Aristocrats joke in this episode. Continue reading “Rainbow Episode Review: Zippy’s Got Talent”
This episode is so full of questions I don’t know where to begin. Questions raised include, but are not limited to, the following:
– Is George an orphan?
– How do you tell the sex of a zippy?
– Does Bungle get traumatised walking past Build A Bear?
– Dean Gaffney?
Zippy is going through a box of his old shit and bras. This includes one of Geoffrey’s socks, for reasons known only to Geoffrey. Maybe he was hiding it from the Russians. Zippy gets a really good look at the sock just to be sure.
Then Zippy finds an old photo of his grandma, which is in pristine condition despite having been crumpled up in that shoebox for the last five years. She’s in a weirdly sexy pose. Continue reading “Rainbow episode review: Take a picture it’ll last longer”
Hello, today we’re going to be learning all about car boot sales. A car boot sale, if you’ve never been to one, is where you go to buy 10 lighters for a quid, copies of The Da Vinci Code, and second hand foot spas. For some reason, it’s usually necessary for this to be done at 5.30am.
Geoffrey has somehow managed to get his car through their garden gate. I imagine there’s now a smouldering pile of bricks where the garden wall used to be.
“Hello!” he yells, like a psychopath who’s just driven his car through a wall. “Today we’re going to have a car boot sale! Car boot sale! That sounds funny doesn’t it! Cars don’t wear boots, they have wheels!” Stop having a nervous breakdown Geoffrey, I don’t like it. Continue reading “Rainbow episode review: Wheeler Dealers”
The moral of today’s episode is ‘Why do something when you can get someone else to do it for you?’ Also, Geoffrey’s shirt. Fucking hell lads.
We begin pleasantly enough. Bungle, Zippy and George have trashed the living room with their clutter and bullshit. We’ll get to that, but first I must show you the shirt, so we all know what we’re dealing with:
As if Geoffrey owns an even better shirt than his Saved By The Bell opening credits one.
Geoffrey informs the others that “Have you forgotten? We’re going swimming? We need to hurry up!” Continue reading “Rainbow episode review: Rocket Man”