Rainbow episode review: Lemon and McCartney

Have you ever tried to do anything, ever? I have, which is why I sympathise with poor crap Zippy in this episode.

Let’s begin.

There’s a strange noise in the Rainbow house. Bungle, George and Geoffrey all wonder what it could be. It doesn’t occur to any of them that it could be Zippy. Even though it sounds like Zippy and is Zippy. Instead, Geoffrey thinks the noise might be coming from the sky they can somehow see from the middle of their living room:


It’s nice to see that Geoffrey’s wearing the opening credits from Saved By The Bell again. Continue reading “Rainbow episode review: Lemon and McCartney”

Rainbow episode review: An idiot abroad

Warning: this episode contains Dawn and her Bossa Nova button.

This episode is called Going Places, and it’s about having to go to Australia to get away from Bungle’s stupid face for a bit.

We begin with Bungle, George and Zippy wibbling around, having panic attacks and general menopause:


“Where is he? It’s ever so late! He said he’d be home by teatime, and that was ages ago!”

It’s fucking twenty past fucking five. Continue reading “Rainbow episode review: An idiot abroad”

Rainbow episode review: I’ll cut you

Are you cross? I am. I’m cross because I’ve just seen that Oral B advert, featuring a woman who has more teeth than IQ points.

Anyway, this episode is called ‘Cross’, and is about other people pissing you off by doing things like existing. Maybe they all snap and kill each other, and all the later episodes have just been my imagination. I guess we’ll soon find out.

George is singing some song. I don’t know what song it is because I got distracted. Let’s assume, for argument’s sake, that he’s singing the theme tune to Minder.

1 Continue reading “Rainbow episode review: I’ll cut you”

Rainbow episode review: Cough Please

I’m not well. For the last couple of days I’ve been getting around by dragging myself along the floor. My bones and joints appear to have had a trade union meeting, and have decided they’re sick of working for me. My best guess is I’ve picked something up from one of the old dears in Tesco; this will be confirmed if I start going round telling people I’m 89.

Given this, I thought I’d write about the episode where Zippy catches the plague.


He knows he’s got the plague because he Googled it, and found a forum where a man said he definitely had either the plague or menopause. The only person he could have caught menopause from is Bungle, but since he routinely sprays antibacterial spray on Bungle, he doubts this. Continue reading “Rainbow episode review: Cough Please”

Rainbow episode review: I’m sorry I haven’t a clue

In today’s episode, Bungle and Geoffrey get married and have a baby. There’s probably some other bit of plot, but like that matters.

Geoffrey explains that they’ve all agreed to do Zippy’s bidding today. Only Freddy looks suitably worried about this.

Also, ignore the title of the episode if you don’t want spoilers for later. If you read the title accidentally, go back and look at the picture again, only this time don’t read the title.

1 Continue reading “Rainbow episode review: I’m sorry I haven’t a clue”

Rainbow episode review: Debbie Does Rainbow

Rainbow episode review: Debbie Does Rainbow

Since next week is the annual tossfest known as Valentine’s Day, I thought I’d write about the one where Zippy has a crush on a woman and wants to have sex with her.

It isn’t only humans who enjoy the act of mashing genitals together then crying – puppets do too. I’m not sure how the mechanics of it would work, since Zippy appears to stop at the waist. However, this might just be a common misconception. For all we know, this could be Zippy any time he steps out from behind the table:


The point is that he wants to have sex with a human woman, and this episode explores the conflicting emotions created by a one sided human/puppet romance. Continue reading “Rainbow episode review: Debbie Does Rainbow”