Rainbow Episode Review: Zippy’s Got Talent

This episode is about trying to be funny and completely dying on your arse, which is obviously something I identify with. Anyway, let’s crack on before I get bored and start needing a piss.

Zippy is watching Ernie Wise on TV. Ernie tells a joke about some eggs, but I’m not going to write it down because I’d get it wrong. I’m very bad at jokes. Last night Alex spent an hour trying to teach me about Knock Knock jokes, but I always forget to say ‘Who’s there?’.

And one time I couldn’t figure out how to open a bin in a cafe. But apart from that, I am a total genius.

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Anyway, Ernie Wise tells some lame jokes, and Zippy laughs himself to fucking death. I suppose they were limited to what jokes they could air on Rainbow; you’re probably not going to get Zippy telling the Aristocrats joke in this episode. Continue reading “Rainbow Episode Review: Zippy’s Got Talent”

Rainbow episode review: Take a picture it’ll last longer

This episode is so full of questions I don’t know where to begin. Questions raised include, but are not limited to, the following:

– Is George an orphan?
– How do you tell the sex of a zippy?
– Does Bungle get traumatised walking past Build A Bear?
– Dean Gaffney?

Let’s begin.

Zippy is going through a box of his old shit and bras. This includes one of Geoffrey’s socks, for reasons known only to Geoffrey. Maybe he was hiding it from the Russians. Zippy gets a really good look at the sock just to be sure.

sock2

Then Zippy finds an old photo of his grandma, which is in pristine condition despite having been crumpled up in that shoebox for the last five years. She’s in a weirdly sexy pose. Continue reading “Rainbow episode review: Take a picture it’ll last longer”

Rainbow episode review: Wheeler Dealers

Hello, today we’re going to be learning all about car boot sales. A car boot sale, if you’ve never been to one, is where you go to buy 10 lighters for a quid, copies of The Da Vinci Code, and second hand foot spas. For some reason, it’s usually necessary for this to be done at 5.30am.

Geoffrey has somehow managed to get his car through their garden gate. I imagine there’s now a smouldering pile of bricks where the garden wall used to be.

chuck norris

“Hello!” he yells, like a psychopath who’s just driven his car through a wall. “Today we’re going to have a car boot sale! Car boot sale! That sounds funny doesn’t it! Cars don’t wear boots, they have wheels!” Stop having a nervous breakdown Geoffrey, I don’t like it. Continue reading “Rainbow episode review: Wheeler Dealers”

Rainbow episode review: Rocket Man

The moral of today’s episode is ‘Why do something when you can get someone else to do it for you?’ Also, Geoffrey’s shirt. Fucking hell lads.

We begin pleasantly enough. Bungle, Zippy and George have trashed the living room with their clutter and bullshit. We’ll get to that, but first I must show you the shirt, so we all know what we’re dealing with:

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As if Geoffrey owns an even better shirt than his Saved By The Bell opening credits one.

Geoffrey informs the others that “Have you forgotten? We’re going swimming? We need to hurry up!” Continue reading “Rainbow episode review: Rocket Man”

Rainbow episode review: Ace Ventura Pet Defective

This episode legitimately gives me the shits, because I keep having this dream where I own a cat, but I forget to feed it for a week, and when I remember, it’s been stuck in a box in the garage for a week. I do not own a cat. Or a garage.

Anyway, this episode seems to be the physical manifestation of my subconscious. Can you tell I’m writing this first thing in the morning?

In this episode, Zippy, George and Bungle decide they want a pet, despite being pets themselves. Maybe they want to move up the social ladder a bit, I don’t know.

Let’s start at the beginning. The gang have been to the zoo, and are celebrating by singing. When I say ‘singing’, imagine I’ve never heard the word ‘singing’ before and I don’t know what it means:

Eurovision quality.

The point is that they’ve been to the zoo. My question is this – how did they manage that? Especially Bungle. Zippy and George I can sort of understand, but Bungle? Continue reading “Rainbow episode review: Ace Ventura Pet Defective”

Rainbow episode review: Ground Farce

This episode is all about why you shouldn’t let Bungle, Zippy and George on your property, because they’ll just leave shit all over it with hilarious consequences.

Bungle is filling up the paddling pool, despite the hose not actually pointing anywhere near the pool, but never mind:

paddling pool

I have several questions about this:

1: Bungle is bigger than the entire pool. If he attempts to get in the pool, it will immediately be swallowed up his arse crack.

That’s it really.

Let’s put that aside for now, because it’s not really the point of the episode. I wonder if they ever did an episode called ‘Don’t put things near Bungle because they’ll probably go up his bum’?

Continue reading “Rainbow episode review: Ground Farce”

Rainbow episode review: Dances With Bungles

Hello. This episode is all about whose turn it is to have a go on Dawn.

I will say, in my defence, that Alex suggested this review be called ‘Breaking Dawn’. I said no, as that was a bad thing to suggest. Shame on you Alex.

To be fair, the reason he suggested that is because he saw this screenshot:

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It probably won’t surprise you to learn that they don’t really want to do three way bumming with her, since this is an episode of Rainbow. What they do want to do is dance with her. Well, Geoffrey does. Bungle wants to do anything he can get away with, but only if Dawn will agree to wear a Jane mask, and will pretend to be Jane, while also calling Bungle Jane, because that’s how my headcanon works. Did I mention I’m having some weird side effects off these new pills?

Geoffrey and Bungle both try to have the first go on Dawn. Dawn thinks for a minute:

“Now then, who do I want to dance with? The man wearing clothes or the man in the bear suit who keeps calling me Jane and himself Jane while rubbing his area?” Continue reading “Rainbow episode review: Dances With Bungles”