Hello, today we’re going to be learning all about car boot sales. A car boot sale, if you’ve never been to one, is where you go to buy 10 lighters for a quid, copies of The Da Vinci Code, and second hand foot spas. For some reason, it’s usually necessary for this to be done at 5.30am.

Geoffrey has somehow managed to get his car through their garden gate. I imagine there’s now a smouldering pile of bricks where the garden wall used to be.

“Hello!” he yells, like a psychopath who’s just driven his car through a wall. “Today we’re going to have a car boot sale! Car boot sale! That sounds funny doesn’t it! Cars don’t wear boots, they have wheels!” Stop having a nervous breakdown Geoffrey, I don’t like it. Continue reading “Rainbow episode review: Wheeler Dealers” →

The moral of today’s episode is ‘Why do something when you can get someone else to do it for you?’ Also, Geoffrey’s shirt. Fucking hell lads.

We begin pleasantly enough. Bungle, Zippy and George have trashed the living room with their clutter and bullshit. We’ll get to that, but first I must show you the shirt, so we all know what we’re dealing with:

As if Geoffrey owns an even better shirt than his Saved By The Bell opening credits one.

Geoffrey informs the others that “Have you forgotten? We’re going swimming? We need to hurry up!” Continue reading “Rainbow episode review: Rocket Man” →

This episode legitimately gives me the shits, because I keep having this dream where I own a cat, but I forget to feed it for a week, and when I remember, it’s been stuck in a box in the garage for a week. I do not own a cat. Or a garage.

Anyway, this episode seems to be the physical manifestation of my subconscious. Can you tell I’m writing this first thing in the morning?

In this episode, Zippy, George and Bungle decide they want a pet, despite being pets themselves. Maybe they want to move up the social ladder a bit, I don’t know.

Let’s start at the beginning. The gang have been to the zoo, and are celebrating by singing. When I say ‘singing’, imagine I’ve never heard the word ‘singing’ before and I don’t know what it means:

Eurovision quality.

The point is that they’ve been to the zoo. My question is this – how did they manage that? Especially Bungle. Zippy and George I can sort of understand, but Bungle? Continue reading “Rainbow episode review: Ace Ventura Pet Defective” →

This episode is all about why you shouldn’t let Bungle, Zippy and George on your property, because they’ll just leave shit all over it with hilarious consequences.

Bungle is filling up the paddling pool, despite the hose not actually pointing anywhere near the pool, but never mind:

I have several questions about this:

1: Bungle is bigger than the entire pool. If he attempts to get in the pool, it will immediately be swallowed up his arse crack.

That’s it really.

Let’s put that aside for now, because it’s not really the point of the episode. I wonder if they ever did an episode called ‘Don’t put things near Bungle because they’ll probably go up his bum’?

Continue reading “Rainbow episode review: Ground Farce” →

Hello. This episode is all about whose turn it is to have a go on Dawn.

I will say, in my defence, that Alex suggested this review be called ‘Breaking Dawn’. I said no, as that was a bad thing to suggest. Shame on you Alex.

To be fair, the reason he suggested that is because he saw this screenshot:

It probably won’t surprise you to learn that they don’t really want to do three way bumming with her, since this is an episode of Rainbow. What they do want to do is dance with her. Well, Geoffrey does. Bungle wants to do anything he can get away with, but only if Dawn will agree to wear a Jane mask, and will pretend to be Jane, while also calling Bungle Jane, because that’s how my headcanon works. Did I mention I’m having some weird side effects off these new pills?

Geoffrey and Bungle both try to have the first go on Dawn. Dawn thinks for a minute:

“Now then, who do I want to dance with? The man wearing clothes or the man in the bear suit who keeps calling me Jane and himself Jane while rubbing his area?” Continue reading “Rainbow episode review: Dances With Bungles” →

Apologies for not doing many posts recently, I’ve been on some super fun new anxiety meds, one of the effects of which is “malaise”. Malaise, in this case, translates roughly as “lying on the settee watching loads of Jim Sterling on Youtube and being too tired to fart”. Anyway, here I am.

Today’s episode is called ‘Watch Out’, and it’s about watching out. Presumably, like ‘watch out for that falling piano’ and ‘watch out for that sex pest over there’.

Bungle is doing a painting. Unfortunately for Bungle, he’s forgotten to watch out, and now his afternoon is littered with life-threatening things. Can any eagle eyed readers spot the hazards?

Firstly, There is a pot of water just feet away from the edge of the table. If knocked over, this water will go on fire.

Secondly, There are some toy cars on the floor. You might not have spotted this one, because it wasn’t in the first screenshot. Oh well.

Lastly – and most importantly – Bungle’s painting is fucking rubbish. He should watch out for art critics, who might come along and tell him this. Continue reading “Rainbow episode review: Try not to get bummed by a chair” →

Today we’re looking at an episode featuring everyone’s favourite auntie – Auntie! I’m not sure whose auntie she is, but she must be somebody’s, because she does auntie things like saying “Hello, I’m Auntie.” Now I’m going to stop writing that word for a bit because I’ve written it too much and it’s started to look all funny and wrong.

Anyway, I’m getting ahead of myself. This episode is also about losing your job at the shoe shop, which is something all 3 year olds have experienced at some point.

Can you guess who’s lost their job at the shoe shop? Well, it’s not Geoffrey because he doesn’t appear to have a job, apart from occasionally looking at some papers on a clipboard and going “oh dear”. It’s probably not Zippy or George, because they don’t have feet, and would be mediocre at best when it comes to singing the praises of slingbacks. And it’s not Bungle, because we’ve met Bungle, come on.

If you’re still reading this and you’re an idiot, I’ll reveal the answer shortly. But first, Bungle, Zippy and George are playing ‘dog doctor’.

They’re not playing ‘vet’, because they don’t know the word ‘vet’, because they’re 3. This adds weight to my theory that they don’t work at Freeman Hardy Willis. Continue reading “Rainbow episode review: Hard Times” →