It may come as a surprise to anyone who doesn’t spend all their time thinking about Rainbow, but there were different Bungles throughout the show’s run. Each Bungle brought something different to the party and had their own unique characteristics, a bit like a Spice Girls made entirely of stupid bears.

Here, then, are the Bungles ranked from worst to best, taking into account such qualities as hairiness, idiocy, and fondness for dressing up as Jane. Stay tuned for an exciting tie for first place, and also the bit where I talk about nipples. Continue reading “Rainbow: Ranking the Bungles” →

In this episode, Zippy comes up with a genius plan to swindle everyone out of money. Or food. Or to sell them a time share. I’m not sure. Something dastardly anyway.

Let’s begin.

George has decided to start collecting leaves, like the hoarding mental patient he is.

He has three so far. That is not a collection George, that is you deciding to start carrying three leaves around with you for no real reason. And where are you getting leaves from? All your trees are cardboard and the apples on them have to be attached with nails.

Zippy turns up and pretends to be interested in George’s mental breakdown. Look at his interested face.

Remember earlier when I said that Zippy has a genius plan to con everyone? You might want to keep that in the back of your mind. Continue reading “Rainbow episode review: The Real Hustle” →

Hello, it’s bastard cold here, so I thought I’d write about how the Rainbow gang cope when it’s bastard cold.

Hint: it doesn’t occur to them to put clothes on.

Let’s begin.

“IT’S SNOWING IT’S SNOWING IT’S SNOWING IT’S SNOWING IT’S SNOWING IT’S SNOWING IT’S SNOWING” yells Bungle, x 1000. Continue reading “Rainbow episode review: Mush!” →

This episode is about:

– Dick Turpin

– Dick Turnip

– Being shit at arresting people

– DIY wigs

With that in mind, let’s begin.

Geoffrey is telling George all about Dick Turpin, and how he used to murder people, and how he will murder George and all the viewers if they don’t behave:

“What a naughty man!” says George, failing to grasp the seriousness of the situation. Continue reading “Rainbow episode review: Dicking About” →

Right, this episode has no plot, and no real theme apart from ‘no one likes Bungle and he smells and is annoying’. Let’s crack on anyway.

Great excitement this morning – the postman’s been, and he’s brought some party invitations! The only problem is that Bungle hasn’t been invited.

I fail to see why that’s a problem.

“How am I going to tell Bungle he hasn’t been invited?”

Well Geoffrey, may I offer the following suggestions?

– Take out a full page advert in the Times

– Yell it into his face through a megaphone

– Get it printed onto a t-shirt. Wear the t-shirt to the party.

Until Geoffrey’s decided, we’re not to tell Bungle that no one likes him and he smells. Continue reading “Rainbow episode review: Misc” →

This episode is all about crying if someone laughs at you or calls you a dickhead. As you know, it is never OK for anyone to ever laugh or take the piss out of anything.

Let’s begin with Geoffrey’s new jumper.

If you laugh at Geoffrey’s shit jumper you are a bigot. So don’t do that.

“Jane’s given me this sweater! Aren’t I lucky to get a present like this!”

Implying that A) That was originally Jane’s, and B) Geoffrey has never used the word ‘lucky’ in a sentence before. Continue reading “Rainbow episode review: The Crying Game” →

Hello. I thought it would be fun to write a Rainbow review at 1 in the morning when I’m a bit hammered on gin. Let’s see if it is fun.

This episode is called ‘Keeping Tidy’. I assume it’s about the Rainbow gang not wanting to live among each other’s piss and shit, rather than keeping your pubes trimmed. Although Bungle, so you never know.

We begin with a moving panoramic shot (I originally typed it as ‘panoramic shit’), in which the director (probably Freddy), wanted to convey a sense of ennui and fin de siècle, by having Zippy’s crap strewn about the place.

I think the theme is ‘man’s inhumanity to man’.

Turns out Zippy is actually a tortured artist, and not just some scrote who leaves his crap and underpants everywhere.

Fun story: I love the mister, so I wash his pants. If they really loved Zippy like they claimed to, they’d worship him while picking up his discarded manifesta and bric a brac.

Please do remember that I have had many gin. Continue reading “Rainbow episode review: Keep Britain Tidy” →

Ever wondered what would happen if Bungle, George and Zippy formed a shit band and made loads of noise all day, and Geoffrey just let them get away with it instead of selling them for medical experiments like he should?

This, as usual, is the fault of Rod Jane and Freddy. We begin with a lovely music video, from Rod Jane and Freddy’s ‘We’re proper rock stars, honestly, we don’t only sing about Old Mother Hubbard’ phase. Didn’t last long.

Rod, as usual, is the best one. Look how best he is.

He’s going to have the groupies hanging off his willy tonight. Continue reading “Rainbow episode review: No one’s got talent” →

You know that group that goes round shouting that the world’s going to end in 6 minutes if you don’t stop farting? I think they got the idea from this episode, only instead of writing letters like the Rainbow gang, they decided to shout at broccoli instead.

Let’s begin. The gang are having a lovely afternoon out at their local… nature.

Geoffrey, Zippy and George are enjoying themselves. I’m sure Bungle is too, it’s just that he can’t do the expression. Continue reading “Rainbow episode review: extinction rebellion” →

This episode is about touching things, feeling things up, and generally molesting things. I don’t know what it’s called, but it’s probably not called ‘Molesting Things’.

The gang have a cat. This is never explained, and is never mentioned again. This happens sometimes, like when Geoffrey married Bungle and they had a baby.

Geoffrey looks happy to have a cat. Bungle is wondering how he can eat the cat without Geoffrey noticing.

The cat’s like “I don’t want to alarm you, but there’s a man in a bear suit over there, and this is not standard. Call the police, I’ll try to act natural.” Continue reading “Rainbow episode review: Keep your hands to yourself” →