World of Crap reviews cereal

World of Crap reviews cereal

I’m now World of Crap’s food correspondent, this wasn’t deliberate or planned but this will be my fourth post about some manner of grub and everyone knows if you do something three times it’s official and set in stone.

I’m going to be covering the cereals of my own personal youth, much in the style of every other post I’ve done, this is very much my own personal experience. Doubtless though, many will be the commenters who “can’t believe you missed out Sugar Frosted Chocolate Fucknuggets! Because they were the best and you’re a terrible human being for not having retrospectively eaten this during your childhood. The past is likewise unfortunately set in stone.

I will do further cereals in subsequent articles, and if I haven’t already tried a given cereal I will buy, eat and write about it just for you. I will likewise gain a stone.

Breakfast is the most important meal of the day; we’re told this along with other advice like “don’t swim after eating” and “take your finger out of there and wash your hands this instant!”. ‘Break’ ‘fast’ you see? You’re no longer fasting so you’re breaking it. Because you’ve been asleep all night and not eating. That counts as a fast, well done!

Corn Flakes

corn flakes

(Editor’s note – only psychopaths put strawberries on their Corn Flakes.) Continue reading “World of Crap reviews cereal”

The art of being rad

The art of being rad

It might surprise you to know that I wasn’t a rad kid. I am, however, a rad adult. A radult, if you will. Therefore, I am now the internet’s leading authority on being rad.

Let me take you through an awesome and rad day in the life of a rad kid, from skateboarding out of bed to skateboarding back into bed. But be warned – IT’S RAD TO THE MAX!

World of Crap is not responsible for any deaths that occur from over-radness.

7.00: Wake up from your awesome and rad dream, about beating Mario to death with Sonic’s trainers while that one from Saved By The Bell looks on. Think briefly about parachute pants.

7.15: Stick baseball cap to head with green hair gel. Gaze at Paula Abdul poster. Paula approves of your baseball cap.

7.30: Decide on outfit for the day.

shellsuits Continue reading “The art of being rad”

Wrestling figures give lifestyle advice

Wrestling figures give lifestyle advice

I’ve adopted some more action figures. I don’t really know who any of them are, but they’re all wrestlers and they all have interesting facial expressions and pants.

And what better use for wrestling figures than to have them share their household and fashion tips with you? I can’t think of anything, so that’s what I’ve decided to do. Let’s crack on!

Arsey Malcolm

arsey malcolm

Arsey Malcolm got his name by being a bit arsey with people, and also because his arse is at the front. His signature move is telling people to hurry the fuck up at cashpoints.

Arsey Malcolm says: “Don’t over-fill bin bags. About 3/4 full is good.” Continue reading “Wrestling figures give lifestyle advice”

Drawing rubbish pictures of your childhood fears

Drawing rubbish pictures of your childhood fears

Hello. A while ago, I asked you guys on Twitter to tell me the stupid shit you were scared of as kids. The idea was to take a selection of your replies and draw them, thus bringing them to life in a horrifying vista of terror and bum shits.

However, I cannot draw. Therefore, these pictures have ended up being less than terrifying. So I’m just going to claim that this was my intention all along.

Join me in a lovely group therapy session, then, as I attempt to show you that your childhood fears were actually shit and crap.

NB: All your replies were great, but I was a bit limited by my artistic skills. Also, I had no idea how to do “the house with all the cats” or “Stan Laurel being turned into sausages”. Sorry about that.

Anyway – let’s begin!

“The sound of a flushing toilet”

“This is a weird one, but hear me out: Michael Buerk”

“The clock on the mantelpiece in my grandmother’s living room” Continue reading “Drawing rubbish pictures of your childhood fears”

“Man shouts at pony”: A selection of YouTube videos

“Man shouts at pony”: A selection of YouTube videos

Me and Alex have both had horrible flu this week, and are now at the ‘malingering’ stage. As a result, we’ve had lots of time to sit there clicking random things on the internet. One stop on our travels was the subreddit r/DeepIntoYouTube, which is a lovely and not at all terrifying knackers yard for forgotten or otherwise unloved YouTube videos. Because I am nice, I thought I’d share the best ones I found.

Disclaimer: I genuinely love some of these. With others, I’m just taking the piss a bit. I’ll leave you to decide which is which.

All the unnecessary parts of a chair

A cutting commentary (pun not even intended, I’m just that good) on needless consumerism, accompanied by accidental rude noises and a bonus ‘will he fall/won’t he fall’ feature.

Self Esteem

A spoof advert that I may or may not be dreaming as I type this. Continue reading ““Man shouts at pony”: A selection of YouTube videos”

The best of Bully’s Prize Board

The best of Bully’s Prize Board

This list comes with the help of Bully’s Caravan on YouTube, who very thoughtfully put together 17 minutes of everyone’s favourite Argos reject shop for your perusal. Watch the full video here.

In the meantime, here’s a selection of the very best Central TV has to offer…

In 1!

Are you fat? We don’t want that! You massive twat. It’s this exercise thing.

exercise thing 4.31

In 2!

HOT PEAS! It’s this hostess trolley.

hostess trolley 6.32 Continue reading “The best of Bully’s Prize Board”

Some lovely Daniel O’Donnell merchandise

Some lovely Daniel O’Donnell merchandise

In the book I wrote, the protagonist’s prized possession is a Daniel O’Donnell mug that gives her advice. To celebrate selling any copies of my book at all, I’m going to buy myself a lovely Daniel mug. Obviously this has led to me browsing various objets d’art featuring the twinkly Irish crooner, which I couldn’t not share with you, because I’m nice like that.

Bingo dabber

bingo dabber

Featuring all the floating Daniel heads you could ever want. Continue reading “Some lovely Daniel O’Donnell merchandise”