I’ll admit, I don’t know much about sci-fi. I know about Rainbow and eating biscuits. But the other day I didn’t want to do the washing up, so I sat and looked through a bunch of old sci-fi magazines instead.

I didn’t read the articles, which I assume were things like “How to hide your erection while talking about that one off Star Trek”, but I did have a good look at the adverts. I was surprised to find things like fashion and commemorative plates, in an unexpected crossover with Woman’s Realm.

Look, I’m shit at writing introductions, so let’s crack on with the adverts…

Space Jacket

I’m confused. If this is the OFFICIAL AUTHORISED Space Shuttle jacket, does that mean anyone who wears one gets to go on a space shuttle, and no one gets to question them? Continue reading “A Bunch Of Sci-Fi Print Ads” →

Are you ready for the best thing you’ll see today? That’s right, it’s time for another round of ‘Middle aged woman looks at toys, instead of doing grown up things like mending’.

Our cover star is the NES, which comes with Rob, the shit disc-shuffling robot. (For more info on why Rob was such a failure, you might want to listen to this episode of the Retroist podcast.) That boy is shooting at Rob,  and also at his Nintendo, that’s how much he hates them.

As a Sega fan, I am pissed off they relegated the Master System to a postage stamp sized “also”. The fuckers. Continue reading “A look through the 1987 Toys R Us catalogue” →

Fiendish Feet was the yoghurt of the cool and happening kid in the early 1990s. Much better than its rivals, the mediocre Munch Bunch, the shit Petits Filous, and the even shitter Ski.

As you can see, the pots were a thing of beauty, each having feet and the face of various terrifying monsters. Needless to say, these pots now go for hundreds of pounds on Ebay. I assume, I didn’t actually look.

We decided to have a crack at making our own, and we’ve included step by step instructions so you can follow along at home, if you’re a bit strange.

You will need:

– Yoghurt pots
– Glue
– Sellotape
– Paint
– Odds n Ends
– ROUND ENDED SCISSORS
– Gin Continue reading “How to make your own Fiendish Feet” →

One of the things I like to do is go round charity shops and laugh at the shit LPs they have. Since I can’t do this at the moment, I thought I’d have a knob around on Google instead. While you look for something better to do, why not spend five minutes browsing some top artistes and their wares? It beats sitting there scratching your bits, which incidentally is my other hobby.

I keep reading this as “in a mental mood”. Doesn’t Pat Boone mostly sing songs about his mum’s teapot?

Why is it such a cheery colour. Continue reading “17 Brilliant Album Covers” →

So, this is a thing that exists:

It’s some sort of men’s barber playset, but it’s aimed at five year old girls. It might not look like a barber playset, but trust me on this. Continue reading “My first men’s shaving kit for girls” →

When I was a kid, I had a list of places I’d rather have gouged my own eyes out than visited. But because my parents hated me, they made me go to them every fucking Saturday. And they wouldn’t let me gouge my eyes out, even just for something to do.

Because I can’t get back to sleep and I’ve got nothing better to do, let’s relive these childhood traumas together.

Caravan Showrooms

Not technically rooms, but I can’t be arsed to look up the proper word. Sue me. Anyway, gravel infested squares of hell. Continue reading “Shit Days Out For Kids” →

Since we’re all stuck at home and forced to do shit like hobbies and learning, why not use this time to brush up on your fighting skills?

Sometimes, the classic moves such as ‘nipping’, ‘shin kicking’ and ‘running away’ do not always work if your goal is to look like the supreme badass of the universe. So my number one fighting tip to you is ‘get hammered off your tits before having a fight’. That way, you will acquire all the skill and grace needed to become a seasoned fighting champion. Continue reading “The 15 Best Drunk Fighting Moves” →

Hi gang, fancy doing a cool and rad quiz with me? Good, because look what I’ve got:

I mean, we could play ‘count our pubes’ again, but I’m a bit bored of that. Continue reading “The Just Seventeen ‘are you a bastard?’ quiz” →