The top five 20p rides

If, like me, you love going on the Ball Slammer, the Pisswazzer, or Steve: The Ride, then chances are you were a regular on shit 20p kids’ rides during your childhood. For just 20 of your parents’ hard-earned p, you would climb on, or strap yourself in, or just sit there, and whoosh off to giddying heights of up to TWO FEET off the ground. Alternatively you’d whizz around at stomach churning speeds of 0.5mph.

I loved them, and here are my top five 20p rides –

5. Postman Pat

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You sit in Pat’s van (right next to Pat, if you please), and the van… wobbles about a bit. The end.

This became popular a bit after my ride-riding career, but that never stopped me attempting to fit in the van as a large child, and then as a teenager, and then as a 34 year old woman. They don’t like me in our Morrisons. Continue reading “The top five 20p rides”

Looks Unfamiliar #28: Jenny Morrill – I Just Get Pictures Of Actual Boots

Looks Unfamiliar #28: Jenny Morrill – I Just Get Pictures Of Actual Boots

Chatting shit with Mr Tim Worthington…

Tim Worthington

j17Looks Unfamiliar 28: Jenny Morrill

Looks Unfamiliar is a podcast in which writer and occasional broadcaster Tim Worthington talks to a guest about some of the things that they remember that nobody else ever seems to. Joining Tim this time is writer Jenny Morrill, who’s rifling through an eighties teenager’s diary in search of any evidence of Boots Global Collection, the Just Seventeen Yearbook, a P&O Advert using La Mer, an Eastern European animation about a bird that gets turned into a bat, Melody Maker column Diary Of A Manic Street Preachers Fan, and a film her dad remembers about some sheep. Along the way we’ll also be finding out which face mask Oasis fans favoured, who ‘Andrew’ was in Rainbow, and which is the most animated out of Thom Yorke and a poster of Thom Yorke, not to mention examining the evidence of The Snowman’s sinister culture-jamming…

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Rainbow Episode Review: Zippy’s Got Talent

This episode is about trying to be funny and completely dying on your arse, which is obviously something I identify with. Anyway, let’s crack on before I get bored and start needing a piss.

Zippy is watching Ernie Wise on TV. Ernie tells a joke about some eggs, but I’m not going to write it down because I’d get it wrong. I’m very bad at jokes. Last night Alex spent an hour trying to teach me about Knock Knock jokes, but I always forget to say ‘Who’s there?’.

And one time I couldn’t figure out how to open a bin in a cafe. But apart from that, I am a total genius.

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Anyway, Ernie Wise tells some lame jokes, and Zippy laughs himself to fucking death. I suppose they were limited to what jokes they could air on Rainbow; you’re probably not going to get Zippy telling the Aristocrats joke in this episode. Continue reading “Rainbow Episode Review: Zippy’s Got Talent”

Rainbow episode review: Oh just fuck off

I’m in a bad mood for two reasons:

1. My laptop is powered by steam and extinct eggs.

2. I was sewing shit onto my boyfriend’s work uniform FOR AN HOUR. It was only three things, but I suck at sewing. I think I bled to death.

Given that, I’ve chosen a nice cheery episode today. I’m watching this blind so I don’t know what happens, but it’s called ‘Worried And Weary’, so I assume it’s going to fit my mood.

Right.

George is being a bellend, as usual.

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How dare he go round collecting money for the hospital. And, more specifically, how dare he say to the hospital “Yes I will collect money for you. No don’t worry I’ll get loads of money, I know more than six people, including two who have 20p in the world, no don’t worry.” George lied.

Also, which hospital is this supposed to be? My guess is ‘Rainbow hospital’. Is there an episode where one of them goes to hospital? I’ve never seen it, but I bet it would be a nice mix of heartwarming and shoddy. Continue reading “Rainbow episode review: Oh just fuck off”

Rainbow episode review: House of Cards

Sometimes it’s nice to just be a dick for no reason. If you do need a reason to be a dick, I suggest the following reasons:

– Someone’s being slow at a cashpoint

– That woman off that advert

– They’re riding those fucking quad bikes outside your flat again

– You’re awake

In this episode, the Rainbow gang have all decided to be dicks to each other for no real reason. They do that sometimes. That is the plot. Then they all make friends again.

Spoiler alert.

Zippy’s building a house of cards (quite an achievement when you’ve only got one arm), when George rocks up and shows off his new hat:

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“What do you think of my new hat Zippy? I made it myself!”

Pop quiz – will Zippy say:

a) “Yes it’s a beautiful hat and not at all shit.”

b) “It’s quite a nice hat, but I’m more interested in your opinion on Cartesian dualism.”

c) “Lol what a shit hat.” Continue reading “Rainbow episode review: House of Cards”