Just something little today, from the gallery of 1,000,000,000,000,000 clipart I bought for a quid.

There’s a whole section of what I assume are swimming instructions. I think the idea is to add your own text, so that’s what I’ve done, to the best of my ability.

The instructions were probably meant to be in Comic Sans, but I couldn’t bring myself to do that.

Right then.

1. Do not dive into a tiny puddle.

2. Especially do not dive head first into 1ft of water.

3. Make sure your balls touch the water before any other part of you.

4. If the water is intimidating you, challenge it to a dance-off.

5. If you do a fart in the pool, waft it away towards someone else.

6. If the water is mean to you, ignore it and it will go away.

7. This is not swimming. Not sure what this is.

8. Always exit the water by diving out of it.

Fin.

Yesterday I bought a copy of Twinkle – the picture paper specially for little girls, off the market.

I love Twinkle, and I was about to mentally thank the previous owner, when I noticed the selfish bitch had already done the puzzles.

Continue reading “Let’s lose at the Twinkle Babysitting Game” →

Today we picked up this CD-Rom for one quid:

We paid one whole quid for this thing.

“Get it” said Alex.

“No fuck off it’s shit,” I replied.

“No it’ll be great,” he said.

And the following is why I always listen to Alex.

I’m just going to present these without context, because… because.

1. Interesting faces

2. Hats

3. Unsettled babies

4. Interesting faces part 2

5. This guy

6. Rad things

7. Interesting faces part 3

8. Weird maths that makes no sense

9. THIS FUCKING HORSE

 

Fin.

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