Do you remember when Marvel wasn’t an all-encompassing million billion dollar franchise, but a pastime for kids and strange men who lived with their parents? (Insert ‘not much has changed then’ joke here if you want.)

In 1988, the Marvel universe mostly consisted of the following TV awesomeness:

– The Incredible Hulk Returns

– RoboCop: The Animated Series

– Marvel Action Universe (Dino-Riders and RoboCop cartoons)

I think we can all agree that this is the Marvel universe at its finest – odd, slightly shoddy superhero pulp, with no message other than HULK SMASH! Certainly you don’t want your Dino-Riders to have strong opinions on joining the Euro.

The point of this insane, piss-stained rambling is that the other day I was watching the 1988 Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade, because I am cool and great. Being British, I haven’t seen many Thanksgiving parades, but I became obsessed with them a few years ago, and have spent a lot of time trying to rectify that situation.

After the Spiderman balloon, complete with super jazzy Spiderman theme music, we were going to need something pretty fucking special. Therefore we were treated to a big musical number, featuring all your favourite Marvel heroes and some choir.

First of all we have our two hosts, who I’m sure are big bollocks in America, like a US Lionel Blair and Wincey Willis. He’s excited to be in the same city as Marvel heroes:

“Captain America! The Incredible Hulk! I like The Incredible Hulk.”

She looks embarrassed to even be talking about Marvel stuff; she says (and I quote) “Meanwhile, from THE REAL WORLD, we have these athletes, you know, who have actually done stuff IN REAL LIFE. Jesus Christ Bob…”. Continue reading “The 1988 Macy’s Thanksgiving Parade: Budget Marvel Edition” →

You know what men like to get for Christmas? Big packs of batteries. This makes them quite easy to buy for.

But what do you get the man in your life if he’s already got loads of batteries, and computers haven’t been invented yet, and you don’t want to get him a Corby trouser press? You dive into the world of ‘executive gifts for men’. For a low low price, you too can buy your dad/brother/husband/window cleaner some shit that will clutter up his desk at work. Unless you buy it for the window cleaner, I don’t think they have desks.

Anyway, here’s a fine selection of classic gifts that will make him go “No really, you shouldn’t have.” Remember, these are only for executives, and no one else is allowed to have them.

1. Stress Bollock

I don’t need to bother trying to explain what this feels like when you squeeze it – if you’re reading this blog, you already know. You just do. Anyway, the idea is that you hold this in your hand and squeeze it, and that somehow stops you murdering people. Even if you squeeze it while listening to Huey Lewis & The News and holding a meat cleaver. Continue reading “Mini Sports and Ball Cleaners: Executive Gifts For Men” →

Hello. I like remembering things, and so do you. That’s why I’ve put together another list of classic toys, up to some of which you might have wanted for Christmas.

If you remember these then, yeah. Good for you.

Disclaimer: If you never got these, your parents didn’t love you. Sorry and all that.

Choose Your Dinner

Balls Of Death

Continue reading “14 classic toys you wanted for Christmas” →

I’m a bit obsessed with old coin-op rides. For a mere 20p, you can have the thrill of sitting there and going up and down, or round and round. Sometimes you even get to sit next to a celebrity like Postman Pat.

While there are some rides that are quite rightly considered classics (more on that here), there are others that are… less nice. These rides cost 20p and your immortal soul.

Warning: Try not to read this sober. Or at all.

1. “Help, kill it with fire”

Why is it in an office. Continue reading “18 terrifying coin op rides” →