Let’s laugh at shit furniture

Let’s laugh at shit furniture

Hello. You know what would make us millennials feel smug? Laughing at the furniture our parents decided was acceptable. They only decided on this furniture because they were off their tits on Babycham, Mirage, or stale tea out of a flask at Ingoldmells. And all this while they were telling you it was wrong to run round yelling with your finger up your nose.

Exhibit A

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This is not what you do when you need to furnish your house. You do not go to the airport and nick some seats from the Business Class waiting room. Continue reading “Let’s laugh at shit furniture”

The terrifying world of Bob the Builder erotic fanfiction

The terrifying world of Bob the Builder erotic fanfiction

You know what sentence I never thought I’d have to write? “In this story, Bob fucks Dizzy the cement mixer up the bum.” Yet here I am.

The events leading up to me writing this aren’t important, but they involve a hangover and Leeds beating Millwall. All you need to know is that I went down a rabbit hole featuring cement mixer buttocks, giant dildos and Postman Pat. Yes, poor Pat gets dragged into this too.

Disclaimer: Some of these are probably jokes. I hope they are. If you wrote one of these, and you’re reading this, I’d put money on you not passing a DBS check.

OK, let’s begin. Have some Toilet Duck on hand, to drink.

In case you don’t fancy Toilet Duck, I’ll be accompanying each entry with a picture of a suitable thing to drink while reading the… literature. Continue reading “The terrifying world of Bob the Builder erotic fanfiction”

Stupid Action VHS Covers

Stupid Action VHS Covers

Do you like films that are called ‘TITS OF VENGEANCE’ and ‘BIG KICK’? I do, which is why I like to spend my time looking at VHS covers and imagining what the films might be like. This is because I am too boring and lazy to actually get the films.

Let’s have a look through some awesome VHS titles full of shooting and kicking and more shooting, and then I’ll go back to watching QVC, because that’s what I do.

Gymkata

gymkata

This man’s opponents have actual machine guns, and still he manages to beat them up using only the power of aerobics. I like to think that once his enemies are lying in a bloody heap on the floor, our hero grapevines away. Continue reading “Stupid Action VHS Covers”

Rainbow episode review: Dicking About

Rainbow episode review: Dicking About

This episode is about:

– Dick Turpin

– Dick Turnip

– Being shit at arresting people

– DIY wigs

With that in mind, let’s begin.

Geoffrey is telling George all about Dick Turpin, and how he used to murder people, and how he will murder George and all the viewers if they don’t behave:

1

“What a naughty man!” says George, failing to grasp the seriousness of the situation. Continue reading “Rainbow episode review: Dicking About”