Ideas for Christmas movies

We might put the Christmas tree up tonight, although we might not bother and just sit there staring instead. Plus, I need to work on the following screenplays.

If you steal my ideas I’ll cut you.

Now then:

Santa Vs Girls Aloud

Girls Aloud are trying to cancel Christmas because they can’t be bothered. Especially that blonde one. It’s up to Santa (played by Jason Statham and that blonde one off Girls Aloud) to stop them. There’s a good bit where Statham has a fight with the ginger one outside a Netto.

The Man Who Kicked Christmas

In this charming Jason Statham biopic, Statham (played by Jason Statham) must apologise to Santa for kicking him in a pub last week. It’s a race against time to find Santa and send him a sorry note and some nice pot pourri before he cancels Christmas. The twist is that Santa isn’t real, and Statham actually kicked a tramp but he was pissed so he got a bit mixed up.

sorry santer Continue reading “Ideas for Christmas movies”

A tribute to shops I have known and loved

This article has no real purpose, except that I just wanted to do it. I’m sure that when I used to actually go to these shops as a protesting, mullet-haired kid, they were mostly just boring. Now that I’ve grown up, these shops have become things of wonder – legendary relics of the past whose stories will be told round campfires for generations to come.

Andy’s Records/Our Price


I was a bit of a music nerd when I was a teenager, so a lot of my Saturdays would be spent happily browsing the CDs in the Doncaster branches of the above shops. Activities included trying to find some Radiohead import I didn’t already have, or spending my entire week’s worth of pocket money on a CD I’d never heard of, because the cover looked vaguely interesting. I decided these CDs would look good on my bedroom shelf, so I bought them in case I ever made any friends and they ever came round to look at my CDs. Continue reading “A tribute to shops I have known and loved”