In which Bungle discovers the downside of his nudist lifestyle.
Since it’s December and there’s a nip in the air, let’s see how our friends in the Rainbow house handle cold weather. Spoiler: Up to all of them act like they’re going to die. You can watch it here, or you can sit there scratching your balls like you were going to.
The gang is in bed. This doesn’t include Geoffrey, he’s not part of the gang. Sometimes he is, but only when he’s making them lunch or wearing a dress in an amusing way.
Please note that Bungle is wearing pyjamas, of sorts. He does this. Continue reading “Rainbow: A Cold Day”
Spoiler alert: this post contains spoilers for Rainbow. If you’re not up to date with Rainbow, you should probably go back and catch up on all 37,000 episodes before reading. And you see Bungle naked a bit.
The following episodes aren’t really Rainbow canon (if there is such a thing as sodding Rainbow canon. I need to go outside). I imagine Rainbow canon consists solely of something like George can’t find his jigsaw puzzle. Occasionally, the Rainbow gang would break away from this pattern and give us a nerdy homage to something like Superman or Star Trek. No I’m not joking, and no I haven’t been drinking Cillit Bang again, these episodes are real things. Allow me to demonstrate:
Batman: Zipman And Bobbin
You know this episode is going to be good right from the start, because Zippy jumps out of a box and makes Bungle shit himself. How did Zippy get in that box?
Whatever. George joins Zippy in the box, and we take a disturbing dip into their imagination as they become ‘Zipman’ and ‘Bobbin the Boy Blunder’. Although I would have called him ‘George the killjoy who doesn’t understand jokes’.
In a surprising twist, Geoffrey makes a bloody awesome Joker, although Bungle has made less of an effort, choosing to just be naked apart from a newspaper.
For god’s sake Bungle, can’t you even make an effort when you’re being a Batman villain? The fact that this is all Zippy’s imagination and you have nothing to do with it is a poor excuse.
‘Joker Geoffrey’ and ‘Sourface Bungle’ have stolen all the jokes in the world so no one has anything to laugh at. Really, they should just follow me on Twitter if they want to avoid jokes. This works a bit, but they are foiled when, in an unorthodox twist, Zipman orders Bungle to fondle Geoffrey until he laughs.
Superman : Super Bungle
I think they chose Superman over Spider-Man because A) can you imagine Bungle in that Spider-Man lycra thing, and B) the name ‘Spider-Bungle’ is possibly too terrifying for 3 year olds to cope with. Whatever the reason, 1990 saw Bungle donning the over-underpants and the red cape to do battle with the evil Zipoid and his henchman, Mr Geoffrey.
Zipoid wants all the toys in the world. This is ok, because apparently there are only about 30 toys in the entire world. That window is painted on.
It’s not exactly the computer bit from Superman 3, but it’s scary enough when you’re a small child. This shit terrified me back then:
Mr Geoffrey uses ‘Bungleite’ to freeze Super Bungle to the spot so he can’t interfere. However, this magically doesn’t stop Super Bungle being able to talk. He orders George to get rid of the Bungleite Mr Geoffrey left behind; George does so, once he’s finished repeating Bungle’s orders back to him infuriatingly slowly.
Naturally Super Bungle saves the day. He does this by threatening Zipoid with… with… well I’m not sure what he’s threatening to do, but if I was Zipoid I wouldn’t want him to do it until he’d washed his hands. Bonus points for “YOU FOOL!”
If you want further mature and academic discussion about this episode, go here.
Star Trek: Outer Space
Zippy and George are manning the Bridge, Rod, Jane and Freddy are dicking about in a crater somewhere, and Bungle is a fat hairy Captain Kirk. I think Geoffrey is Uhura.
I don’t know where they got the money for all that hi-tech equipment, like tin foil. Oh wait, they don’t have money on Star Trek do they? Whatever they use to pay for things then. Ivory?
Look at all the fancy Trek gear they have. For a start they have transporters, meaning they can make Bungle go be annoying somewhere else.
They also have those bicycle things you get at Butlins in the 80s (shown above), and a telescope. Which Bungle isn’t even using properly.
The plot is that they go for a day out in space. A day out. During which, Rod Jane and Freddy get into an argument with an alien because they’ve been littering, Geoffrey and Bungle get a flat tyre, and George questions the ethical ramifications of teaching Vulcans to feel love.
Game Of Thrones: King For A Day
People who have trouble equating Rainbow with Game Of Thrones have clearly never seen Bungle doing kinging.
In this episode, Geoffrey has travelled on foot to Bungle’s kingdom, to plead for the life of Rod Jane and Freddy, who have been found guilty of conspiring to hide the storybook. Zippy, playing Tyrion, sits there taking the piss. In the end, Bungle orders Rod Jane and Freddy to be torn apart by dragons.
Back in the real world, King Bungle has actually ordered Zippy to make him some jam tarts. Then Jane turns up, who for some reason is now obese. She wants to knob King Bungle and eat his jam tarts.
Also, in keeping with Game Of Thrones lore, and also with Bungle lore, Bungle is mostly naked.
It is my considered opinion that George rrrr Martin got the idea for Game Of Thrones from this episode. If he wants to sue me over this point, he’d have to read this blog first. Let’s face it, I think that’s unlikely to happen.
As we all know, Bungle goes round naked most of the time. But sometimes he makes an effort and covers his genitals with a fetching outfit. I’m not just talking about when he wears a dress, which is every other day. Sometimes he wears actual clothes. Consider the following examples:
Outfit for breakdowns
Let’s start with a favourite. In this story from the 1992 Rainbow annual, Geoffrey makes Bungle wear a shirt and tie when they all go to visit Geoffrey’s friends. The existence of any trousers is not known. Continue reading “Bungle’s outfits”
I think the correct name for this episode is ‘Exercise Is Fun’, but I prefer my title. In short – Bungle decides he’s going to go on a diet, so for the whole day he only has peas and speed.
I’m not sure why Bungle thinks he has to go on a diet. Aren’t bears supposed to be massive? He’s definitely not doing it to get into his clothes, that’s for sure. But I’m going to write about this episode because I’m a fellow diet sufferer at the moment. And by ‘sufferer’, I mean everyone around me is currently suffering because I can’t have a Chocolate Orange. According to the mister, I am “like Steven Seagal” when I’m on a diet. Apparently I do “rampaging”. He only said that because last night I punched a book. In my defence, the book wouldn’t stop playing ‘If you’re happy and you know it’.
Anyway, back to Bungle. Bungle has decided that he’s going to lose seventeen stone in half an hour. This is how he’s getting on so far –
Did he get those clothes from lost property? Continue reading “Rainbow: Bungle tries speed and joins the Happy Mondays”
I could probably do with losing a couple of
pounds stone. I do not have big bones, or fat genes, I just love food. Food is ace. Right now, for example, I would sell my own mother for a bar of Whole Nut. Or to find a crisp down the back of the settee.
This love of food is due, in part, to the two-dimensional gourmet delights I was presented with as a child. It’s a universal fact that cartoon food is lovely, and is quite often better than the real thing. Therefore, a lot of my unnecessary eating was me trying to recreate the meals I’d seen and read about. That’s my argument and I’m sticking to it. I might sue the artists one day, but I’ve got stuff to do first, like the washing up.
This is by no means a definitive list of my favourite cartoon food, but it’s certainly a good start.
1. Beryl the Peril’s bangers and mash
Don’t get me wrong, I love Rainbow Comic. That’s why I spend so much time reading it, even though I am not five.
One of my favourite things about Rainbow Comic is the way they end every issue with a rubbish joke on the back cover. Normally the jokes make no sense, and even when they do they’re a bit shit. There’s usually some really convoluted plot that has, at best, a tenuous link to the joke. Allow me to share some of my favourites –
1. “I think you’ll find…”
George bringing pedantry to a whole new level here. Come on George, it’s obvious that Bungle is trying to tell you a joke. On what planet is he just going to come up to you and ask “What do birds use to clean their houses?” You KNOW it’s a fucking joke, stop being such a dick and spoiling his joke. I know it’s Bungle, but the joke might turn out to be really good. As it is, you’ve ruined it with your nit-picking. When people do this on Twitter I shun them. And call them a twat. Continue reading ““Oh no!” – shit jokes in Rainbow Comic”
Like everyone, I spend approximately six hours a day watching Rainbow. This is because I am cool and great.
During these Rainbow marathons, I’ve noticed a strange phenomenon – the Rainbow house is infinitely big on the inside, with the ability to expand so it contains exactly as many rooms as the cast needs that day, but no more.
Here it is, inside and outside –
And here we see George describing the house as “little”. Not ‘big’ or ‘huge’ or ‘a bastard to clean on your own, I’ll have to get a man in’, but “little”. Admittedly, he mostly seems to be concerned with how shiny the floor is. Continue reading “The many rooms of the Rainbow house”