Cartoon food is the reason I’m fat

I could probably do with losing a couple of pounds stone. I do not have big bones, or fat genes, I just love food. Food is ace. Right now, for example, I would sell my own mother for a bar of Whole Nut. Or to find a crisp down the back of the settee.

This love of food is due, in part, to the two-dimensional gourmet delights I was presented with as a child. It’s a universal fact that cartoon food is lovely, and is quite often better than the real thing. Therefore, a lot of my unnecessary eating was me trying to recreate the meals I’d seen and read about. That’s my argument and I’m sticking to it. I might sue the artists one day, but I’ve got stuff to do first, like the washing up.

This is by no means a definitive list of my favourite cartoon food, but it’s certainly a good start.

1. Beryl the Peril’s bangers and mash

EPSON MFP image Continue reading “Cartoon food is the reason I’m fat”

“Oh no!” – shit jokes in Rainbow Comic

Don’t get me wrong, I love Rainbow Comic. That’s why I spend so much time reading it, even though I am not five.

One of my favourite things about Rainbow Comic is the way they end every issue with a rubbish joke on the back cover. Normally the jokes make no sense, and even when they do they’re a bit shit. There’s usually some really convoluted plot that has, at best, a tenuous link to the joke. Allow me to share some of my favourites –

1. “I think you’ll find…”


George bringing pedantry to a whole new level here. Come on George, it’s obvious that Bungle is trying to tell you a joke. On what planet is he just going to come up to you and ask “What do birds use to clean their houses?” You KNOW it’s a fucking joke, stop being such a dick and spoiling his joke. I know it’s Bungle, but the joke might turn out to be really good. As it is, you’ve ruined it with your nit-picking. When people do this on Twitter I shun them. And call them a twat. Continue reading ““Oh no!” – shit jokes in Rainbow Comic”

12 videos I owned in 1992

This weekend I became obsessed with this photo –

videos and me

Ignore the fat sleeping child, which is me. What has really grabbed my attention is the collection of videos, sat minding their own business on the wall unit behind me.

just videos

I’ve gone a bit mad trying to identify these videos, and have been surprisingly successful, with the help of various geniuses on Facebook and Twitter. I’m not going to bore you with my dad’s collection of Shadows videos, or the random blank ones that no doubt have episodes of Minder taped on them; I’ll just stick to mine, which were the best. Continue reading “12 videos I owned in 1992”

The many rooms of the Rainbow house

Like everyone, I spend approximately six hours a day watching Rainbow. This is because I am cool and great.

During these Rainbow marathons, I’ve noticed a strange phenomenon – the Rainbow house is infinitely big on the inside, with the ability to expand so it contains exactly as many rooms as the cast needs that day, but no more.

Here it is, inside and outside –

house insidehouse outside

And here we see George describing the house as “little”. Not ‘big’ or ‘huge’ or ‘a bastard to clean on your own, I’ll have to get a man in’, but “little”. Admittedly, he mostly seems to be concerned with how shiny the floor is. Continue reading “The many rooms of the Rainbow house”