80s and 90s doll adverts: magic piss and Travelodge Barbie

I’m a girl, and as such I only like miniature versions of myself that piss and shit. Given this information, it’s no surprise that the vast majority of adverts for creepy, dead-eyed Uncanny Valley residents were aimed at me.

cricket

Don’t get me wrong, I love dolls. Dolls don’t answer back, unless I’ve been drinking. I also love doll adverts, even though the majority are unrealistic. Doll adverts should show the doll taking part in a re-creation of some episode of Brookside that you watched with your parents and didn’t fully understand. At the very least, they should show Barbies in their natural state – naked and scribbled on with all their hair cut off.

Whatever. Let’s have a look at children who are not me playing with dolls correctly, courtesy of a bunch of random adverts I found. Continue reading “80s and 90s doll adverts: magic piss and Travelodge Barbie”

6 childhood toys I made at home

6 childhood toys I made at home

A lot of the time, I talk (whinge) about all the toys that only rich, gold plated children could ever afford. They whizzed around in battery powered cars, stopping only to play on their super fun happy swing and slide sets. Meanwhile, us poorer kids had to make our own fun with a stick and a lump of coal.

However, this wasn’t all bad. This early disadvantage taught kids like me to use our imaginations, and to make our own toys. Most of the time, these toys ended up being up to 277% more fun than the proper versions, due to the extra fun of making them. It’s all very well tearing wrapping paper off yet another diamond encrusted pony or wendy house, but it’s nothing compared to seeing the fruits of your labour slowly come together, at the expense of cardboard boxes, Pritt Sticks, and a load of your mum’s old junk that you’re sure she won’t miss anyway.

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